


7 Minutes of Delusion

by CornerOfCaelest



Category: Puyo Puyo (Video Games)
Genre: Amitie is a pure bean, Everyone Is An Adult, Explicit Language, Feli Needs Help, Feli gets genuine character development, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, Lemres learns boundaries, Potential dubious consent/discussions around consent, Redemption, Rejection, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, We don't support middle schoolers getting drunk in this house no siree
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27060013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CornerOfCaelest/pseuds/CornerOfCaelest
Summary: After a friendly reunion party, copious amounts of alcohol, and a stupid dare, Lemres ends up playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with Feli, and uh... it goes just about as well as you can imagine! When he begrudgingly discusses this with her the morning after, their tense and fragile status quo shatters, leaving one of them disappointed and the other completely devastated. However, no matter how uncomfortable it is, sometimes the only way to fix something is to totally blow it up first! Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to start anew.
Relationships: Baldanders & Feli (Puyo Puyo), Feli & Amitie, Feli & Lemres (Puyo Puyo), Klug & Lemres (Puyo Puyo), Klug/Sig (Puyo Puyo)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Lemres

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Before you read, check out these warnings! Most of them are in the tags, but there's a slim chance I may need to add some as I go. I'll also discuss specific warnings per chapter, that way you can avoid specific chapters if need be. 
> 
> This chapter specifically will contain mild language, mild sexual content (spoken of in the past, not depicted in the present), and Feli's typical creepiness which can be triggering to some. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Lemres has never regretted seven minutes more in his life. 

The whole event was uh… not the best idea? Not the worst, but it would’ve gone a lot smoother if half of them didn’t end up wasted; most of the real dumb stuff could’ve been avoided then. Him included. Hey, Lemres knows when he messes up, and he’ll admit it. He was, well, a disaster. They all were. 

It started all innocently- just a little dare. Like the group of perfectly rational adults they all are, they unanimously agreed that they should play truth or dare, and, at first, it was hilarious. It was all little dumb things; they were harmless acts and juicy details that would never openly hurt a person, just leave them red in the face for a few. Their lack of sobriety didn't help, either. It had been decided that everyone was staying the night or safely hitching a ride home, so no one thought twice about getting completely smashed. 

Well, some thought twice, but a gentle shove from more reckless friends and lovers led to eventual succumbing. Really, Arle was the only one with a rational thought process that night. She watched over everyone to make sure nothing particularly dangerous happened. 

For a moment, Lemres thinks cynically on the fact that apparently, his fiasco didn't fall into "particularly dangerous." What's more dangerous than inadvertently leading someone on, especially when you've been trying for 7 _years_ to get them off your back, meticulously avoiding any misconstrued hint or glimmer of hope that you might be into them? Because, oh yeah, a glimmer is all they need to stalk you again for a month or four? 

He pauses to take a deep breath. There's no point in getting angry; this is his fault and his alone in his eyes. It doesn't cross his mind that perhaps the reckless maniac that assigned him the dare in the first place might hold some responsibility. 

Lemres didn't think much of it at the time. In the previous turn, somehow, he ended up making out with Klug of all people, which, in all fairness, really took the concern out of it for Lemres. After all, they occupy similar places in his mind. Both are his close friends, both are his juniors by three years, and he's attracted to neither of them. Making out with Klug was just a dare; it didn't mean anything (he thought it was sort of fun- Klug was a surprisingly good kisser, but that's about it), so it only made sense to him in his heavily intoxicated state that his next dare was equivalent. 

Looking back, he could shoot himself for the mistake, but Lemres drunk off his ass doesn't have nearly the processing capability of Lemres sober. For some godforsaken reason, the jump between "make out with Klug for a minute" and "play seven minutes in heaven with Feli" didn't uh… click? Maybe there was a part of him for one singular moment that thought, "Hey, seven's kind of a lot, yeah?" but that's about all he came up with. 

In his defense, she didn't argue it either! 

...of _course,_ she didn't; what kind of an excuse is that? Why would she? She was probably thrilled. 

Probably, he thinks, because if he's perfectly honest, he blacked out for just about all seven of those minutes. He wracks his brain for even a single detail, but he only comes up blank. It’s a fuzzy mess at best. 

Which is… freaky. Who's to say what state she's in right now? He doesn't have the foggiest idea of how she interpreted it. Maybe she was chill about it, too; maybe she knows it was just for fun, and she didn't think anything of it. 

Except that's way too optimistic, and he knows it. 

...he really doesn't want to be here. Aside from the social torture and crushing guilt, there's the splitting headache that frankly makes him want to curl up into a ball under his covers in the dark. Alcohol has never been his thing; he's never been drunk until last night, really. Tipsy, sure, but never what you’d call drunk. His knowledge was minimal, and somehow every single person there neglected to tell him that the more sugar a drink has, the worse it will make your hangover. He trusted them! Also, that's just unfair. And sad!

...who is he kidding? Knowing that wouldn't have changed a thing. 

It occurs to him that he might not even have the right place. He hasn't been back in Primp or even their hometown much for a while, and Klug said she moved a year ago. He did ever so graciously give him directions, but Lemres doesn't even know what her house looks like. 

Of course, those doubts are extinguished upon seeing the giant hellhound tied up in the backyard. 

Baldanders jumps to his feet to give his usual unfriendly greeting, and Lemres’ heart sinks. He still doesn't like him, huh? Sad… He probably won't like Lemres even more after the conversation he's about to have with Feli. 

Adjusting the brim of his hat to keep the sun out of his eyes, Lemres rings the doorbell. He just needs to get this over with… Avoidance never does anything. Sometimes you just have to get it together and face problems head-on, or else you'll let them consume you. 

It's a few moments before he hears anything. He makes a small note of the twinkling wind chime above the door and the corner garden in front of her house- nice touches. They're sort of cute. 

A second more passes of him twiddling his thumbs, and he wonders if she's even home before he hears her sharp voice, muffled from the other side of the door. "Who dares to disturb me…? Your presence here had better be critical, or I swear... I'll condemn you! You'll rot... decaying in the fiery depths of-!" The door swings open, and there stands Feli, holding a singular dowsing rod in a way that wouldn't be threatening in the slightest if not for the sheer hatred in her eyes. 

Her gaze lands on his chest, and he watches as the realization hits her not unlike a 19 chain. By the time her eyes snap back up to his face, they're wide and terrified. "Lemres! I- I didn't… realize you-!" Her free hand flies to cover her mouth, and she takes a step back. When the initial shock leaves her, she starts trying to atone immediately. "My deepest, most heartfelt apologies for my insolence. I swear... I'll-"

"Feli, Feli. Please, it's fine." He chuckles. "Hey, I woulda reacted the same way. Ya should've seen me this morning…" His sentence is clipped by gentle laughter, his hand reaching to the back of his neck. He's trying to stay as carefree as possible, but… gosh, this is a mess. 

She blinks, then nods, slowly backing away from the cliff of repentance she was about ready to chuck herself off of. "Thank you…"

They stand there for a moment, Lemres stalling as much as possible. The aggressive barking and growling from the back are doing wonders for his stress. Good old Bal Bal… still ready to tear his throat out at a moment's notice. Only this time, Feli seems too tired (and annoyed) to stop him. 

"So…" Lemres fidgets with his hat once more, clearing his throat. He really, _really_ doesn't want to do this. He should just abandon ship right now. Save himself before it's too late, and let the boat sink to the bottom of yandere hell without him. "I wanted to talk about last night," he confesses. 

Her gaze falls to the little garden of flowers beside her porch, and a shadow of regret seems to overtake her. "I see…"

Great, so… she does know? Ah, man, he's really in trouble, isn't he? And she seems so upset… "Mind if I come in?" he asks. 

She sheepishly looks up at him, letting her eyes trail up to his face. "...Yes, of course." She hesitates for a second, and Lemres' anxiety only builds. What is she doing…? With a sudden wince, she finally steps aside. "Please, do come in." So she's got a headache too, huh?

Staff in hand, he crosses the threshold, and for one moment, his fight or flight response is held at bay by his sheer interest. This is actually pretty cool… It's very her. There's an overall dark motif, but bits of magic are present throughout. Crystals line the window sills, the sunlight making them wink in pastels. That's interesting... there aren't any lights on. The sun's plenty enough, though. She has quite a few candles strewn about and a stray deck of tarot cards or two as well. Still, it's relatively neat. 

"Wow, this is a pretty sweet place ya got here! I haven't seen it since the big move." Lemres gives an easy smile. He never visited her before then either, but, well, there's a reason for that. There definitely used to be a little worry on his part that if he came into her house, he wouldn't end up leaving.

...He shouldn't be so hard on her, yeah? Hey, he's changed a lot in the last year. Maybe she has too; after all, she just finished her first year of college. That's a pretty drastic change to adjust to; the world stops holding your hand, so you've just gotta pick a spot to land and jump. That time came early for him- way early, but he doesn't feel bitter about it anymore. After all, flying feels pretty nice.

Feli shuts the door behind him as he begins taking off his shoes. "Thank you very much…" she responds distantly. 

He stops admiring his surroundings to look at her, and… 

He sighs to himself.

So she's doing that again, huh? Past the general nerves, she almost looks… ecstatic. Her eyes are kind of wide, and dang, he can't really tell with such dim lighting, but… she's blushing, isn't she? Like just the thought of him being here is somehow… gosh, he doesn't even know. He doesn't want to know; thinking about it makes him nauseous. The idyllic fantasy of sitting down and talking like a pair of adults bursts immediately, and suddenly he feels like he's being thrust back into high school. He's stuck dodging every bullet, walking on eggshells, and crafting every word to sound as platonic as possible just to keep the situation level. In other words, he's trapped. 

He _hates_ being trapped. 

And with that, he’s starting to feel a little annoyed. He's gotta stay calm though, yeah? This is still his fault. He's here because he messed up; he owes her an explanation and an apology, no matter how much wrong she's done to him before. 

She's still looking at him, totally spaced out, giving no sense of direction whatsoever. So… yeah. They're still crammed in the foyer. Great. It takes Lemres awkwardly clearing his throat before Feli snaps back to attention, more flustered than before. "Oh, yes... You're welcome to come in. Sit wherever you'd like..." She hurries to the kitchenette, leaving him to choose between her dining table and her living room. This could be a long conversation, huh? Might as well get comfy…

"Alright, thanks! Will do." He meanders into the living room, hesitantly sitting down on a couch that sinks a little too low for his comfort. Hopefully, he didn't take her spot.

...Why is he even worried about that? He hates feeling so nervous. 

The barks from outside gradually fade into a soft whimper, giving way to light clinking sounds from the kitchen. Feli emerges a moment later, tray in hand. "Would you like some tea...?" she asks, setting it on the coffee table. "I… was brewing it before you stopped by… It's an herbal hangover cure." She nestles into the chair across from him, seemingly comfortable. 

Well, golly, that's awfully kind of her. "Uh, sure! Thanks!" He gives her a wide smile. 

"As I foretold," she says evenly. 

“Huh?” He looks down at the tray. Sure enough, there are two full cups next to the pot, alongside a crystal tub of sugar. Oh, nice! Creepy? Maybe. But nice! 

Her hands knit together as she continues shyly. "I… wasn't sure how much sugar you wanted, so I thought it'd be wise to just… leave it to your discretion."

"Haha, yeah, that's probably smart." He reaches to take his cup. 

Wait, should he really be accepting a drink from her? Maybe that's a little unsafe… Realistically, he's not in any danger, but-

Danger? Hold on, what does he think she's going to do? This is pathetic. He shouldn't have to worry about that sort of thing; they should just be friends and okay and fine without either one of them worried about someone getting hurt. 

But… friends also don't hurt each other with their unrequited love. They don't lead each other on knowing full well how the other feels; they respect each other enough to acknowledge the feelings and not play with them. He can't accuse her of anything because if he really was a good friend, he wouldn't have done what he did. Subconsciously, he must've been okay with it, right? Maybe even... wanted it?

That makes him feel disgusting. He used her. It doesn't matter that he doesn't remember why; he-

"Lemres?" 

Why…? Oh! Tea, obviously. Gosh, this is a disaster. "Ah, right. Sorry, I just spaced out a little." He shakes his head, moving faster than before to compensate. "Thanks for the tea," he adds with a light smile, beginning to dump spoonfuls of sugar into the steaming cup. 

He notices her watching him when he looks up. She's quiet, seemingly fascinated by him. Eugh, that just makes him feel weird. He isn't even doing anything that special, but it's all absolutely stunning to her. 

...Actually, maybe adding six scoops of sugar to a single cup of tea _is_ special. Most people don't do that, huh? Ah, oh well. He's gotta play it safe! He's not usually a tea person, so he doesn't know how much to add. "Right, so… uh, how're ya doin'?" he asks awkwardly. Wait, he's the one who started all this, isn't he? 

Still, Feli doesn’t miss a beat. "Wonderfully…" she sighs. She's giving off really spooky vibes. Haha... maybe he is in danger... With a little shake of her head, her normal human functioning switch seems to flick back on. "You… had something to speak to me about, yes?" She takes a sip of her tea, shivering slightly. 

That's the nice thing about hot drinks when you're cold; they warm you right up. Nothing quite like a big mug of hot cocoa with whip cream and peppermint in winter. And marshmallows, of course. You can't have hot cocoa without marshmallows. Especially when you take a big fluffy one and toast the edges-

… He's stalling again, isn't he? 

This is going to be a long conversation, he's sure, so he goes to take a sip of tea before he begins. Gotta wet the whistle, right? 

Huh…. bitter. Lemres sets the cup back down. 

He… can't really put this off anymore, can he? "Yeah, so… wanna talk about yesterday?" Even for his jovial nature, it's hard to keep the nerves from his tone. Is it wrong to hope for a nice, simple "no"? Then he can just excuse himself, be on his merry way, and laugh about the whole thing later. 

"About that..." Feli begins with a sigh. She leans forward to set her tea on the table, straightening up. Her eyes won't stay on him for long. "I'd like to start if you don't mind…" Her gaze creeps up to him, her head still weighed down with guilt. 

Oh, she's… waiting for him. "Uh, yeah, sure. Go ahead," he stumbles. He sure wasn't ready for her to snatch up the reigns like this, but hey, less on him, yeah?

She nods, seeming to steady her nerves. "I want to… apologize for the way I conducted myself..." She bites her lip, and the shame in her expression only builds. "I was a wretched fool," she spits. "I… I'm truly sorry for any inconvenience I may have caused."

He stops for a second. That, uh… wasn't what he was expecting. Darn. Alright. Well, she seems to be taking this not as… well, obsessively as he thought she would, but golly, she shouldn't feel guilty. "Feli, come on, ya don't gotta apologize. I'm the one who took the dare." He couldn't have expected her to shoot it down for him, either. He was the one in power; it was his job to say no. 

She frowns, one eyebrow raised. "...What dare?" 

What…? Come on, she has to know.

Lemres chuckles- his nervous energy ultimately pushing forward through his calm facade. "Ya know… That, uh… the dare I took yesterday. When we, um…" He swallows hard. Somehow saying this out loud is a million times worse. "Y'know, the whole seven minutes in heaven thing.” That's a load off, but, uh… he doesn't really feel much better. Actually, it's sort of worse. He… might vomit. Hah...

Confusion clouds Feli's countenance. "Huh…? Seven… what? I'm… afraid I don't know what that means." 

Lemres suddenly becomes aware of the fact that he's been bouncing his leg for some time, but he can't exactly stop it. 

Of course, she doesn't know what it means. Why would it be that easy? No, he's gotta go on and explain all the nitty-gritty details. The touchy-feely tongue tango and all the fun ways they- Darn… This is rough. "With the closet and stuff! Yeah? Do ya remember that?" 

She blinks. "I… remember Klug coming out of the closet." 

Lemres grimaces with sad frustration. This is just painful. "No, I- Feli," he sighs. 

Her head tilts with a naivety that he can't exactly blame her for having, but it still hurts. "Yes? I still don't have the foggiest idea what you're talking about." 

She… does remember, right? Ha… There's no way in hell he came here just to dig his own grave. She has to; she would never forget something like that. She clings to every word he throws her way; there's no way she'd just forget the way he… touched her. 

But… he shouldn't have forgotten either. Klug had to remind him. Only then did it come back (in a nauseating, hit by a crown of nuisance puyo sort of way). She's… the same way, isn't she? Maybe even worse. Heck, she’s tiny; she might’ve completely blacked out. That means she hasn't even had time to think about this- to process. He has to break it all to her, in person, in her house, and deal with the repercussions.

Is it too late to leave now? Can he make an escape? Like uh… "I left the oven on," or something? Maybe? No, no, that's not believable. Besides, she'd be able to tell if he lied to her. She could just-

From the corner of his vision, he notices her reaching for a deck of cards, and his heart stops. 

"Ah, wait!" He stands, shooting forward to grab her wrists. 

Feli's face flushes bright red immediately, and her eyes snap up to meet his. "H-huh!?" Her hands freeze, one hovering over the unopened deck of tarot cards with anticipation. 

He uh… shouldn't have done that, huh? He wants to be able to tell her this himself, though, with his own words. She shouldn't have to put the pieces together on her own with weird symbolism and… well, however all that wacky stuff works. He's… her senior, right? Kinda? Not really anymore, but… well, he's still responsible for her wellbeing in this case. "I, uh… lemme tell ya, alright? I want ya to hear this from me." 

She still seems flustered, but her brow furrows. "O-oh? I…. suppose I understand." She places the deck back on the table, albeit hesitantly. Her hands seem eager to take them up again. It must be weird for her, not knowing all the answers. 

Lemres nods awkwardly, then sits back down. "Right. So last night, remember when we were all playing truth or dare? It was kinda a big ol' disaster, but, yeah…" He tries to settle back down; for some reason, his nerves seem a little calmer. Maybe it's the whole mentor mentality that he's slipping into. It's familiar, kinda. 

Hopefully, her familiar creepiness doesn't come with it…

She pauses to think for a moment. "Yes... I do. You mentioned a dare you received… seven something. What does that entail?" 

Hah, leave it to her to cut the crap. Her gaze feels like it's stabbing him… this is why she freaks Klug out so much, ain't it? Who knew a woman so tiny could be so scary sometimes… "Y-yeah, right. It uh…" He clears his throat. "Well, we uh… got locked in a closet."

“Locked… in a closet?” she clarifies. Gosh, he probably sounds crazy. You know what? It is crazy. Who comes up with that sorta thing? Sleepover games are just silly; he’s too old for this. 

Lemres- despite his best intentions- gives a less than reassuring grin. “Yeah! That’s the game.” In all of its dumb glory. “Ya get stuck in a closet together for seven minutes, and ya gotta, ya know.” He shrugs. “Do whatever.” 

Her blush returns, way fainter than before, but still visible. “What… did we do?” There’s a glint of hope in her tone that makes him feel conflicted, at best. It’s his first instinct to brush her off completely; she’s never been right about that kinda thing before. But, well, he can’t exactly do that now, huh? Her hope is valid. 

“We…” Lemres feels his confidence completely deflate as he realizes he’s at the end of the road. Nothing but a cliff and a real crummy drop down from here. He doesn’t want to look at her. Maybe he’s a coward, but he doesn’t want to watch the light rise in her eyes just to steal it right back from her like he knows he’ll have to. So he doesn’t look. He lets his vision go dark as the spell stops taking effect. “We kissed,” he starts. That’s all it is: a start. 

Before he can even wait for her to answer, more words come tumbling out in a fit of anxiety. He wants them out of his head; they’re too heavy. “And… more than that, really. It was sort of intense, and I…” He cringes. “I put my hands on you, I think. I don’t… remember exactly? Listen, I’m…” He looks at her once more. C’mon, he can’t keep being a chicken with all this. “I’m really sorry.”

Her icy eyes are frozen, wide open in disbelief. After a pause and a shallow breath, she finally gives a meager, shaky response. “...What?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I care too much about Feli oops. This story was basically my Covid baby. I've been working on it for a while now, and I'm excited to share it! This is my first time posting on Ao3 after many years of lurking, so hopefully, this goes well. If you couldn't tell from the tags, this is basically a redemption arc for Feli because darn it, all I want is for her and Lemres to have a healthy friendship, and that can't happen if she doesn't get a serious wake-up call first.
> 
> ...but then it's sweet, and she learns how to make friends and stuff! Yes, this is cheesy. I know I'm sorry-
> 
> I was going to do this all formal with an updating schedule and such, but I quickly realized that college is making that impossible for me right now. Basically, I'll be uploading parts of this as I go. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it! If not, that's okay too! It's not everyone's cup of tea. Thank you for reading either way <3\. I'm always open to constructive criticism if you feel so inclined! I appreciate it. 
> 
> Have a wonderful day/night!


	2. Feli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: This chapter contains some mild language, extremely self-deprecating and/or emotionally morbid thought processes, and discussions of sex. Please, please be careful, as this does get dark in places. Stay safe <3.
> 
> Enjoy!

The ecstasy rushes through her at once in a way that transcends her mortal being. A once distant fantasy now rests within her grasp, filling her with a blazing warmth long foreign to her soul. To think her destiny has advanced ever so near to her, and she wasn't even aware… If she reaches, she can feel it. Love. Closer than ever before, almost hers to have and hold. Finally, to possess. They… kissed. No, no, more than kissed. He… he said… 

"...Are you okay?" Lemres asks softly. His voice is like a lullaby to her wretched heart. 

Then… there's only one thing left to do…! "Kiss me," Feli blurts. "I- I mean…" Ah, perhaps that was a bit too strong. Her eyes dart to the ground. "I… You said we… made out, yes?" Red creeps up into her cheeks as she continues; she still can't make eye contact with him. This subject matter is so… taboo. However, it's her reality now. She should embrace the blessings bestowed upon her by her benevolent mistress, fate. 

He hesitates for a moment, pondering her question. His response is painfully begrudging. "Yeah, we did. But, Feli-"

"And-" she snaps up to face him; her eyes blaze with new determination. "-I don't remember it." Calm. She must be calm. She's never been so forward with him. She's never gotten this far without the sheer embarrassment choking her to silence, but perhaps her frustration with the consequence gave her just enough edge to push through that. She doesn't want to lose her (quite miraculous) momentum; however, she must present a coordinated case. She can't have him perceiving her as desperate; that will just give her a blunt, cruel rejection and an utter loss of hope. No, she must negotiate for something to tide her over until she can inevitably win his heart. 

Because if it were up to her… Lemres would take everything from her. She'd give herself up- mind, body, and soul- for his fulfillment. He's the only thing she's ever wanted or ever will want, and the thought that she came so tantalizingly close and simply forgot every euphoric detail… Well, it was indeed glorious to experience, but to forget is infuriating. She needs to get close again- even just a taste, but she needs it. His lips were on hers; his hands were on her body. This puny, lowly vessel that she's inhabiting was touched and savored by a seraph among men. She was of use to him… What a terribly alluring thought. It's enough to make her restless with passion.

However, it must cease at once. She can ponder that image later, but it's only a distraction in this delicate moment. She won't have to simply fantasize if this goes well... So what can she offer him? "Did…" she breathes. "Did you enjoy it?" Keeping her gaze on his perfect face is extraordinarily difficult, for she's just about dying inside, but she has to. It might make her seem more... mature. Less like a little girl with a crazy dream and more like a potential mate. 

His eyebrow raises. For a moment, he's too startled to answer. "I… huh?" 

"Did you enjoy it?" she repeats, tone level. She can hardly breathe with the anticipation. Feli feels as though she's approaching a wild bird; if she moves too quickly, it will fly off for good. Every footfall must be tentative and light.

"Whaddaya mean?" Lemres asks, a note of anxiety plaguing his mellow tone. 

Tch, he knows exactly what she means... It's alright. His hesitation isn't anything she can't handle. Yes, it makes sense that he'd… evade the question. He's not used to discussing such things with her, obviously. But, surely, they're both adults now; he doesn't have to look down on her anymore. She must convey that, so… she'll prove her womanhood with her candidness. 

Truly, Feli's hit her stride. She's resolute now. Years and years of terrible, mutilating pining have led to this stand, and she plans to speak her mind. 

"I mean…" She can't look at him anymore. It's too much. Ah…! Perhaps she does still hold some innocence if she's getting so terribly flustered…. "Was it pleasurable?"

Lemres freezes, cold, and Feli feels a shot of panic permeate his aura. He sort of pouts when he regains his composure, tilting his head before giving his heavenly reply. "...Does it really matter?" 

Wait. 

She looks up at him, eyes wide. Certainly… certainly, there's only one way to interpret that statement, yes…? She feels the warmth rushing to her face, and she knows it must be visible on her cheeks. Curse her sheepishness… She can't help it, though; how is she supposed to remain collected with such a vague, suggestive answer from his lips? Especially when he's looking at her like that… It's devastatingly cute…! "S-so… then…?" Anxiety builds up in her throat, and she craves his reassurance more than ever. Just one word of confirmation is all she needs. This is a painful reminder that she still holds a maiden's fluttering naivety...

However, Lemres only sighs. Is he… disappointed? In her, perhaps? Or, more likely, himself… She knows him, and she can sense the guilt polluting his glorious energy. He doesn't need to feel guilty, though. Certainly not. He blessed her with his affection. He mustn't feel ashamed of it. "I… I don't know, Feli. I really don't remember." His head sinks, heavy.

She can feel his dishonesty like a knife in her side... She detests that feeling. From him, it's pure insult. "You're lying to me," Feli says. Her tone is flat and demanding. If only he'd be open with her, they could reach some semblance of an arrangement!

"Oh?" he asks. Lemres' eyebrow raises, and his mouth settles into a thin line. He's challenging her.

Feli gulps. He's… so intimidating when he's mad. ...Is it wrong to be excited? His demeanor is so disciplinarian; in the right situation… huehuehue… it would be glorious to experience…

However… her present doesn't call for such indulgences. She must address his… dodginess, the thought of which saddens her once more. He should be able to trust her; it's her role in the universe to support him, after all. "You are. I can tell. I..." Her face falls. "I can sense it." She can't help but feel offended. Is he even taking her seriously? 

Lemres' lips press together. "Do ya really need to know that badly? It won't change anything in the long run." 

His irritation is a foreign beast that Feli can barely fathom fighting. Her dearest one is always so kind and calm… Well, it's human nature to get defensive in moments of weakness. Alas, no matter how enchanting, Lemres is human too. Knowing that… this must indicate that she has the upper hand, so she can't be dissuaded now. The tide of fate is undoubtedly ready to rush onward, back onto her barren shore, gifting her precious love… His nourishing, precious love! "Yes. I do…" Because it will change something. He isn't aware, but it will. His satisfaction could be the switch connecting the current of their shared destiny. 

He admits his defeat with a huff as she feels him caving into her persistence. "I really don't get why, but alright, I guess. Yeah, I…" He shakes his head, absolutely miffed. "I guess I liked it, but that doesn’t matter." He looks back up to face her- his countenance ever-piercing even with shut eyes. "You gotta understand somethin’. You were drunk. Ya couldn't consent to anything, but I did it anyway. That isn't okay." He winces. 

...What?

Lemres continues, "Besides, I didn't respect the way ya-"

"No," Feli says. 

He stops. For a moment, there's silence. 

He… thinks he didn't have her consent? ...How noble of him to be so considerate- how like him. Of course, her fated love would carry such courtesy. That guilt must weigh on him… Forcibly robbing a young maiden of her own body, let alone her innocence is a heinous crime indeed. However, there's one crucial detail he's missing. It's a tragedy for him to let it wound him for even a moment. Poor Lemres… Ah, she's truly failed as his soulmate, hasn't she? She'll have to repent. "I… I would have." 

His eyebrows knit with confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I would have consented. You always have my consent. I…" She grins bashfully. "I'm yours." And how absolutely wonderful that feels…! She never had a purpose in life before him, so… to be able to make an official statement on the matter is incredibly freeing. 

Lemres, on the other hand, completely blanks. His expression is stuck in a state of mild horror before he forces an anxious chuckle. "Huh?"

Feli brushes her hair back behind her ear, her head tilting down. "That applies to any circumstance. No matter when, where, or… whatever you'd like to do to me… no matter what, Lemres, you always have my consent..." 

Lemres frowns at her, trying to decipher her declaration. After an agonizing pause, he deadpans, "Feli, that's not funny."

Wait, no…! She leans forward, a hand over her chest. "I didn't intend it to be humorous!" she protests. "My dedication to you is genuine…! It's the central part of my very being!" 

The look he gives her makes her heart ache; he's growing distressed. "What? No." He shakes his head. "No. That's not how that works. That's… no." He pauses, looking more disturbed by the moment. "Feli, that's really messed up..." 

Feli sinks back into her chair, defeated. Messed up? How so? Doesn't everyone wish for a stable partner? "Well, fine," she huffs. It's a little hurtful, but… one day, it will come to fruition. Everyone has needs, including him; he'll appreciate her willingness as an asset soon. "If the technicalities bother you... we can make it official now with my unquestionable consent. Then it..." She grabs at her arm nervously, blushing softly. It's a special thing to consider, truly. "It would be my first kiss...."

No. Wait a moment. 

Feli gasps. "No. It wouldn't be because… you so graciously took it from me yesterday, right…?" Her consciousness drifts once more, but this time, she cannot bring herself to fight it. She had her first kiss… with Lemres! "I failed to consider that… I never realized that monumental significance…!" Her rosy, dazed expression splits into an unnerving grin as she continues. "How wonderful; the universe has smiled upon me on this day! Surely this is a sign of an even brighter future. Yes... a reward for following my path so dutifully!" Visions of romance and passion sweep her up in phantom warmth, ripping her from her crumbling reality. In them, she falls deaf to the screams of discomfort and remorse that tear out from his aura. 

It's not the first time she's let herself fall headfirst into fantasy. In her darkest hours, the promise of his comfort is enough to pull her forward into the light. Each moment of delusion threatens to set her ablaze as her fragile wings burn, but... is her freedom really that much to pay in exchange for the future she'll obtain? Once she's swaddled in his love, she'll find all the fulfillment she needs. Lemres is all she needs. 

His euphonious voice raises her to the waking world once more, just enough to process his words without leaving the comfort of her fabrication. "That… was your first kiss?" He sounds like he's just been sucker-punched. 

Feli nods dreamily. "Yes… And what a first kiss it was!" A sinister smirk splits across her face. "It was my first time for a great many things, I presume…" It's almost cruel of him, really. He played with her for a while (which she's ever appreciative of), but he never committed to fully taking her innocence. No… he left her in desperate, carnal tatters, teasing her with bodily pleasures before leaving her cold. Or, ah… that's how she imagines it went. She still can't recall. 

If he were to finish the deed… to take responsibility… well, she’d melt. The very thought is enough to make her swoon. 

...She needs it. 

"Lemres…" she pleads. Her airy tone doesn't seem to alleviate his discomfort. "I want you to know… I’m yours to deflower.” She blushes. “I… I don’t know what I’m doing, but some men enjoy that, yes…? Innocence?” 

A moment of pure silence passes, and Feli almost cringes as her delicate, discerning perception of his energy is inundated with flashes of searing panic. He’s completely paralyzed. She's never felt this from him before. He's always calm; Lemres is almost nothing if not carefree, so to feel him so startled… It hurts in a multitude of ways.

His brow furrows. "Do you hear yourself?" Shaking his head in disbelief, his irritation begins to mount. "Did ya process a single thing ya just said? At all? Do ya even know what that means?" 

Feli pushes him right back without hesitation, her self defense rising at the anger in his tone. She shouldn't get upset with him, but… it's hard not to; she's being disrespected. He won't move past that old, wretched construct. She's not a little girl anymore; she knows very well what she's getting into, yet he keeps treating her like… like his junior! Like some misguided, listless spirit in need of protection! She doesn't want his protection; she wants his possession. She wants this horrid dynamic to just rot so he'll embrace her as his, never to cast her aside again! 

"Of course I do!" she snaps. "I don't make these statements lightly... I don't take any of this lightly! I offer myself with full devotion and intention, yours forever to-!" 

"Stop!" He makes a sharp motion with his hands- a plea for silence. "Just… stop. That? Stop that." He sighs, his shoulders slumping. "Please. That's too far, Feli. I mean, it's all too far, but…"

All… is now the time to speak of it all? This truly is the ultimatum, isn't it? She can feel it running coolly in her bones: this is the climax of a years-long struggle. This is the end, yet…

The conclusion doesn't feel right. Is she… losing him? Being looked down upon may be the least of her worries; it almost seems like she's hit a wall. She… got too close. 

Lemres huffs. "I really, really don't wanna hurt ya." 

N-no, wait…

"I don't wanna upset ya, but when you say stuff like that? That's too much. There's nothing else I can do."

No! Hurt her? How?! What could he say to hurt her unless-?

"I'm really, really uncomfortable right now." He frowns- not even disappointed, just… sad. It's flooding her sixth sense in a way that makes her entire chest tighten. Feli can't tell if her building tears belong to him or her; each ounce of his sorrow makes her more distraught. "I…" He looks down. "Huh. I'm not sure what to say, really. I hope ya don't actually think those sorts of things."

"Wait. Please," Feli chokes. One more chance is all she has. She can feel him slipping away, and she's already suffocating. She can't breathe; the hope of his affection is the air in her lungs. 

But it seems Lemres has realized, now. The only way to stop the fire of her obsession is to cut off her oxygen, isn't it? It's coming… the interaction that always twisted into ghastly nightmares in her mind is becoming her cruel reality. She's always been so focused on the future; now that she's being forced to accept her present… She remembers why she’s tried so hard to avoid it. 

So, she tries. She flounders. Composure? Ridiculous. She's terrified, and the fear shakes her voice and throws her heart into rapid acceleration. Her usual grace is gone, leaving a scared, lonely little girl in its wake. Through her shattered walls, she tries to cross the rubble to meet him. Panic seeps through every word. "J-just-! Nevermind that, then. That was forward of me; my apologies. I… got ahead of myself." She gulps, forcing herself to meet his gaze. Her hands clutch the edge of her nightgown, white-knuckled. She feels so exposed dressed like this; it only heightens her anxiety. 

Desperation is agonizing; however, it's better than any form of loneliness or isolation she's been forced to endure. She'd rather spend an eternity pleading like this than a single moment knowing she has no chance of acquiring his affection. "All I want is one kiss. It doesn't have to be anything like what we shared last night. I just want to remember the feeling... I want to make up for that, please." 

Lemres is silent. He stares at her, mulling over the options as the heaviness of his heart weighs on Feli's conscience. "I can't do that," he says.

Something foul twists in her stomach; her eyes burn a threat. "Why not?" Pitifully, her voice cracks, and soon she crashes down from her fabricated grace into a teary mess. 

Why she's still resisting full-body sobs, she can't really discern. She's never liked crying; it creates too much vulnerability. It's too easy for someone to wound you when your heart is open on the ground. That's a principle she's carried for most of her life, but now it seems null and void. Nothing could hurt worse than this. Never. 

Lemres' forehead creases as he watches, and Feli can't help but cling to his resulting pain. He still cares about her. Surely something can grow from that, right? It has to. She has to make that work. She doesn't know what else to do, damn it! 

"You know why not." He sounds exhausted. 

Feli sniffles. "Tell me," she chokes. She does know. Deep down. However, she'll stay in denial as long as she can. Truthfully, she's known for a while now. 

"It'll mean more to you. More than it would for me," he says softly. "I don't want to hurt you like that." 

"What do you…?" She doesn't want to finish. Maybe if she keeps it inside, it won't happen. 

Lemres sighs heavily, another delay only hitching her breath. "Come on, you know. You must know. I just don't…" He bites his lip. "I don't feel that way about you. I don't think I ever will."

By the time he finishes, she’s collapsed into sobs. Her entire universe is crumbling from its foundation, and as she tries to lean on it- as she tries to look up at his face for some kind of lifeline- he turns his gaze to the door. "I..." Pain swarms her consciousness. All she wants is for it to stop. She's spiraling, and she needs a savior. She needs the reassurance that his presence always brought her. The iron promise that he'd be hers one day served as her lighthouse whenever she was cast out to her frigid ocean of solitude; however, only rubble stands in its wake. Even if she could swim, she doesn't know where to. 

"You knew that, didn't you, Feli…? That's not a surprise." His tone is so deceptively caring. He's far too kind. Even in this moment of rejection, he's still trying to lend a helping hand. 

That almost hurts more. 

"But, you… You're mine," she states. She'll cling to her broken fantasy as long as she can; it's the only thing keeping her head above the water. 

Lemres frowns. "No, I'm not. You don't own me. No one does." There's a note of irritation in his voice- the song of a bird who doesn't enjoy the threat of being caged. 

"But you're my soulmate. You belong to me just as I belong to you; it's written by fate itself!" she protests. She won't hear him anymore. He's plain wrong. They're at this wall again, he- He just doesn't get it right now. More waiting. She can do more waiting. There's still hope, surely-

"No one belongs to anyone except themselves. Besides, I don't even believe in soulmates." Her persistence nourishes his rare anger. 

She knows she's backing him into a corner, but that doesn't mean she can stop. She lashes out in blind desperation as her long-held toxic thoughts spill out into muddled words, "Well, it hardly matters what you personally believe. Destiny cannot and will not be thwarted- not by you, or anyone. You don't get a say in the matter." The tirade is more to comfort herself than to convince him, but the result is far from reassuring. 

His eyebrow raises as he gawks at her. "Excuse me?" 

And, for the first time this morning, she smiles. Through pouring tears, though raging turmoil, through blatant rejection, she clings miserably to that shred of false, delusional hope. "Yes… You'll see. The mistress of fate is not to be crossed. Not even your radiant power can alter her plans; in the end, all fall into her careful script-"

"Would you stop that?!" he snaps. From his aura burns an emotion she's never felt so strongly on him: rage. "Believe whatever the hell ya want, but I ain't a part of it. No one gets a say in what I do except me, alright?! Stop talking like you know somethin’ I don't- like you know what's best for me! Ya don't even know what's best for you!" He gestures towards her with a sharp hand before it finds its way to the bridge of his nose. 

Feli is absolutely petrified. How did this fall apart…? He’s… never yelled like that before. 

"I’m… sorry. I gotta leave; I can't deal with all this right now." Lemres begins to stand, but she shoots out of the chair to grab his wrist. 

"Lemres, wait!" she cries. "I-!" 

The look of disgust that crosses his countenance as he jerks away from her sears into her mind. The expression fades almost immediately, of course, replaced by his usual, much softer demeanor, but she can't help but flinch at his initial reaction. "Don't touch me. Please." His voice breaks.

"But…!" Feli feels like she's freefalling, plunging to her death. "Lemres, I don't know what else to do," she pleads, voice heavy. His name feels like a prayer for mercy on her lips. 

He sighs, considering. "You know what you do? Learn some self-respect.” He turns away once more, ready to leave once and for all, but something holds him back. So, he continues instead. "If you want love- real love- you have to get it from yourself. Don’t you see how much this is hurting you? You deserve better than this." 

Feli's hand sinks back to her side as his words seep into all the wrong places of her scattered mind. Through welling eyes, she sees him leaving. She can't begin to register what that will feel like because if she does, she'll fall apart. Denial is the best form of self-defense. "But…" She looks up at him- her soulmate, childhood friend, and undoing- and makes one final plea. "Lemres… I don't know what…" She bites her lip. "I don't know how to live without you. I don't know how to exist in your absence!" 

It's something they're both well aware of, and while she desperately wants him to do something about it, her intuition screams that he won't. That she's alone again. 

His voice wavers, hand clutching the doorknob. "Feli, you never had me to begin with."

He leaves her, then- drowning, chest filling with poisoned water as her throat, lungs, and eyes all burn for him. When the door shuts behind him, Feli sinks to her knees and wails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this far? That's so awesome! I appreciate you so so so much! I hope you liked this chapter; I'm actually quite proud of it myself. As always, if you've got some constructive criticism, I'm always happy to hear it! 
> 
> I hope you all have a wonderful day/night!


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